It
was almost 7 years ago. I had just finished my second year in college and
Milagros, the miracle of my life, had recently completed a fellowship in
Capitol Hill. I was participating in a summer internship in the same
organization that Mimi had just finished her fellowship with. She had
decided to stay involved in the organization and I was looking to expand my college
experience. What attracted us to this program was the call of government
service and the belief that service is paramount to making the world a better
place. I came to our nation's capitol with no interest in meeting girls;
I had recently broken up with my first serious girlfriend and was only
interested in expanding my understanding of how government works. Mimi
having a great experience in the fellowship program wanted to fulfill something
she did not get to do in college and that was be a Resident Advisor (RA).
I sometimes tease her about that because I was an RA and made cracks about
"hall-cest" and her taking advantage of a "young
kid". In reality, Mimi's position was more than "just an
RA" she provided leadership and the voice of experience having been an
intern and fellow in the organization. All 30 summer interns came to know
Mimi as a friend and companion, indeed she is was much more than "just an
RA."
Mimi
and I met for the first time, not in some magical moment you might find on made
for T.V. movies, but in a very awkward manner. Mimi was helping all the
interns get settled into our summer housing and she got caught between two
doors as all the interns came in with their luggage for our extended
stay. Mimi claims that I was wearing some hideously ugly shirt and that
image is forever seared in her mind. I, frankly, don't know if it was
ugly or not, I just liked it. Soon after, Mimi went from room to room to
welcome each of the interns. If you have ever been in a summer program you
can imagine the excitement that surrounds like-minded participants in
anticipation of a fulfilling experience. Mimi, being Mimi, embodied that energy
as she formally introduced herself to me. I had to respond in kind by
showing her something that would give her a glimpse of who I am. I showed
her not a picture of friends or family, I showed her dirt. The look on
her face as I shoved the jar of dirt up to her nose shouted "Weirdo!"
…
When he said "smell it" its my land. I was
stunned…who in their right mind brings dirt cross country to Washington,
DC. Antonio also described his ethnic background as New Mexican, while
all the others said Cuban, Dominican, Mexican, etc. New Mexican?
What a strange way to describe his ethnicity…I would never call my ethnicity
"Floridian." That jar of dirt and his pride and love for being
New Mexican though extremely bizzare sparked intrigue in my heart. Soon I
came to understand the importance of his land, his sangre. It was his way
of always remembering where he came from. Throughout that summer the
intrigue grew. He was different. While all the other interns
congregated on the Metro trains, Antonio often sat by himself in deep
thought. His stoic nature was magnetic. I wanted to
understand him.
Albeit being three and a half years younger than I; he
had an old soul- very calm, collected and very, very, deep. I learned and
still continue to learn from him. I was inexplicably drawn to him.
That summer I lost my grandmother. She was like a second mother to me, at my
side as grew up. My mom worked several jobs during my childhood and it
was Mima who would look after me. I distinctly remember the night Mima
passed away. It was mid June and I was on the phone with her, as I often was,
sharing stories with her about my life and wanting to know how she was
feeling. In the course of the conversation I mentioned "this
guy" speaking of the intrigue he espoused in me, but never really thought
much of it at all. Later that night, I woke to the devastating phone
call. It was the news that Mima passed away. Overcome with grief, the first one
I thought to I turned to was Antonio. I knocked on his door and collapsed
into his arms. I snotted and cried on him until I fell asleep. He
told me afterwards that I freaked him out; he wasn't sure why I went to
him. I really wasn't sure either.
The summer of 2002, it is safe to say changed us both, maybe
it was the dirt, maybe it was Mima… whatever it was we both knew that some sort
of relationship would continue into the future. We went our separate was
hoping to see each other again.
…
I
can't say that Mimi and I kept in close contact, an instant message here, a
phone call there, an infrequent e-mail, but I can say the communication was
always meaningful, always timely and perfectly appropriate for what was going
on in our lives at the time no matter what the circumstances were. I
tease her that during this time she wouldn't leave me alone. I mean come
on, I had broken up with a serious girlfriend and I was an upperclassman in
college, I wanted to have fun, live it up, not think about "some
girl" I met in a summer program. The truth is, is that it was
exactly what I needed to keep me honest, to keep me centered, to help me be
real; not some generic college guy. Of course, I could have never told
her that at the time.
After
I graduated I moved around as did she, yet instead of communications being less
frequent, they increased. I even managed in see her in my home town and
show her firsthand why my land is so important to me. I took to the Santuario
de Chimayo, told her the story of the holy dirt, had her eat green chile, and
took her to the top of the Sandia's. For the first time, I felt that I
found someone that began to understand why mi tierra is so important to me and
thereby understand me. It was that night when I showed her New Mexico that I
kissed her for the first time. Perhaps, I was overcome with the thought
of someone getting to know me, the real me, that I moved in to kiss her as we
were watching an old movie. It was a perfect ending to a visit, but an
imperfect time to have a relationship. I was figuring out what I wanted
to do next being a recent college grad, she was looking for a change after
living in Washington, D.C. and Colorado. We simply needed time to be
ourselves.
It
wasn't until three years after we meet that I decided to take a risk. It
was at the end of one of our increasingly regular communications that told Mimi
that I was coming to Chicago. At that time Mimi was living there before
returning to grad school in Massachusetts. This was significant because
after her visit to New Mexico we only came to "see each other"
because of a business trip or conference that "happened to be" in the
same city that one of us was in. This time in Chicago there was no business
trip, no conference, no excuses….just Mimi. I wanted to let her know that
I want to fight for her, to win her heart. To let her know that she is the only
person that has come to know me. I wanted to let her know that I love
her.
…
When he said I'm coming to Chicago. I freaked
out. I hadn't seen him in a year. This visit felt different; he was
coming to see me, just me. Why? Why when I was finally getting over
him? I had almost convinced my heart that Antonio and I would never end
up together. I knew he had a purpose for coming, he was so
determined. I didn't know if I was sure I was ready to hear what he had
to say. I was scared but also excited. Completely nervous and
unsure about even wanting to hear what he had to say, I decided to make sure I
wasn't alone with him. I invited a bunch of coworkers to happy hour
and then some closer friends to a jazz club; I stalled the eminent moment as
long as I could. Fear truly makes you do silly things. At last,
almost 10 hours after he arrived in Chicago, on the L train when we were
finally alone, he said he loved me and wanted us to be together. I told
him he better be sure because I could be the last girl he'd ever date; he said
"that's the plan".
Timing still wasn't perfect, I had one more year in grad
school in Massachusetts and he was in New Mexico. He asked me to have
faith, just as he had asked many times before. He asked me to step outside
the boat as Peter did in the Gospel. Although my heart's faith was
strong, my mind hesitated. For three years I just wanted him to let me
love him. Now he was asking me to let him love me. With faith in my
heart I said yes and took a chance on the last man I hope to ever date.
After a hard year doing the long distance thing, I was faced
with taking the biggest risk of my life. Move to NM and see if our
relationship was truly meant to be. Yes, I moved over 2,000 miles
for a guy. But, I was really moving for myself…to know for sure if we
were meant to be. I had to take a chance (step outside the boat) and
have faith; faith in him, in myself and in us and our future. I was
reassured of my decision to move to NM when he gave my graduation gift…a jar of
dirt. He said, "Welcome home. New Mexico, my land, my sangre
is yours now, too."
…
When Mimi and I first met in D.C. we shared common interests
to be public servants, to fight for social justice, and bring about positive
change. We acknowledge that we are fortunate and in return we have
promised each other to live each day "gana-fully" and not take each
day for granted. It was these common interests; our history, our
faith in ourselves and in each other that I knew it was time to pop the
question. Not sure how to do it, I wanted it to memorable, I wanted it to
be something that fits us. It all culminated on a historic day on
November 4th 2008. It was a proposal that was three
years in the making after that late night in Chicago. It was a
trifecta! Mimi turned 30, we elected a new president and I asked her to
marry me.
I knew in order to pull off the trifecta I need make sure it
started out on the right foot. So I headed to her apartment early in the
morning. I did all that I could to make her birthday special. I had
"30 Days of Mimi" planned events to share with friends and family. On
her birthday I would let her know 30 reasons of why I love her. Reason #1 You
are so fun, Reason #9 You are so fine, Reason #13 You push me to be a better
person, Reason #20 You know me, like no one has before. Each reason
taking longer and longer to get out of my mouth as I approached Reason #30 the
level of anxiety increased. She made teased me because of some of my
cheesy lines like 1 and 9 and gave the cheese right back to me.
Finally, I arrived at Reason # 30, I want to spend the rest of my life with
you, will you marry me and I slipped the ring on her finger. I panicked
because she didn't say yes right away. She said, "I never thought
you'd ask!" My anxiety rose, "you haven't said
yes," I said uneasily. I waited on what seemed like an
eternity, but was probably more like a second or two. She replied, as I
was bracing myself for the worst, "Si!"
"See!" are you kidding me, "See
what?" She laughed, "No, not see, but si as in yes" My
heart rose and fell at once knowing that our life together as man and wife
would soon be a reality.
The ring I slipped on her finger as cliché as it sounds it
was like no other. No, not quite dirt, but I might have…it was plastic
and blue, the kind you get out a quarter machine, hideous right? Not really
sure what to make of it, I explained to her why I gave her this ring. It
was the ring I gave to my mom when I was around four or so. I gave it to
her because I love my mom; I knew that when people love each other they get
married. So I knew I love my mom so why not ask her to get married.
My mom smiled and laughed and said, 'Son, I love you too. But, the love for
marriage is different than that of the love you have for me. I will save
this ring when the time is right, so you can give it to the one you will marry.
…
Antonio and I want our wedding to be a joyous union; we
can't wait to be together, to live together, to start the rest of our lives
together as husband and wife. I spent the majority of my life moving, as
a child and as an adult. Antonio too has followed his heart to many
places here in the U.S. Europe, and South America, with dirt in hand. Our
wedding will be the one time in our lives when all the different parts of our
lives will come together. For one day all the people who have shaped
us from the varied experiences could be in one room. This is
all we want. I joke with Antonio about it being a coke and hot dog
wedding because of our budget...but as long as all of those who have made us
who we are as individuals and as a couple are there...I don't care about the
flowers or the cake, or even the dress. People and memories are what
matters most.
We are getting married in the mission church his
grandpa and great grandpa help build, in the land his family has been a part of
for centuries. My family immigrated to Florida from Cuba in the 1960's
and I've never really felt like I had a land of my own. Antonio told
me when he gave me my jar of dirt that I was coming home. Our married
life will undoubtedly take us on many more journeys but from 10/17/09 on with
the blessings of our loved ones, we will both always know we have a land to
call home.
